How to Attract More Followers
It has come to my attention that many people have been writing lately about how to attract more followers. Therefore, I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and give it the ole' college try as well. Please note, that some of these tricks should only be performed by a professional, and not be attempted at home.
1. Start a religion.People love new religions. Especially if it preaches exactly what they want to hear.For example: In the Church of Ezra Butler (#churchofezrabutler) sushi is our sacred food, and wine (or some other form of alcohol) must be drunk daily religiously. 2. Play a musical instrument.Groupies are amazing followers. Rock stars have been doing this trick for years, with great success. And don't think that you have to play a guitar or something cool like that. Even a piper can maintain a large follower stream. Possible side effect is that you will never have to pay for women's lingerie again.
3. Commit a heinous crime (or a spree of regular crimes).
For some unknown reason, people are drawn to the "bad boys". They like the sense of thrill and adventure, and the thought of living vicariously through you in something that they would never dream of doing.
4. Party with a Black Card.You would be amazed how the followers come out of the woodwork when the Moet is being bought by you. But do stupid things while partying, because the paparazzi will photograph you and then more people will want to be like you.
5. Date or be a model.Beautiful people have a lot of followers. If you are not beautiful, you can be that guy or girl. Common usage is "Why is she dating that guy?" People will think that you are worth it in some other way.
6. Successfully bring a company to an IPO.This is actually a combination of 1, 4, and 5. In many people's eyes, especially in the current market, you will actually be considered a god.
7. Star on a reality TV show. It doesn't take talents or looks, necessarily. It just requires you to embarrass yourself in ways that will cause your mother to change her name, phone number, and move to Florida. But note: Very short shelf life.
8. Say that you are a plumber with a monosyllabic name.I am shocked as well. Note: You don't actually have to be a plumber with a monosyllabic name.9. Be a nice guy.
Nice guys actually attract beautiful women, who just want to be friends. You may be able to parlay this to 5, but I would not hold my breath.
